I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
