Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
