Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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