I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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