I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
