So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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