isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
