ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Randomize
