In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
