remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
