I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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