Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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