Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
