none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
