New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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