Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
