Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
