I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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