you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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