I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
