Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
