a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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