I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
