I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
