so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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