you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
