I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
