People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
