the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
