My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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