what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I looked at my own cervix.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
