marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
