Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
