fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
