my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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