It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
