Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
