the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Your penis caused this!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
