Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
