He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you had me at cake vodka
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
