I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
