3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
