So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
