how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
