i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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