My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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