suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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