She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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