just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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