good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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