well I can't set my house on fire every night
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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