You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
